Zealot (The Story)
from my book, Suburban Legends
“ZEALOT”
I remember my first sexual fantasy. It was about Jesus. I realized at the time that it wasn’t quite right but with my strict up bringing that Jesus was the only man who wasn’t evil or bad, what was supposed to happen? My mother was adamant that boys only wanted one thing and that I would burn forever in the everlasting pits of hell if I let them have it. I’m not exaggerating, this is word for word what she would say… everyday… every minute. I was a child, I believed her.
I was nine the first time he came to me. I was lying in my room, just before bed, staring at the picture of Jesus that my mother had hung on the wall. It was the typical picture of a white man, with long brown hair and thick beard and a sensuous stare. I imagined him looking at me, watching me in bed, and for some reason I lifted my shirt exposing myself to him. He smiled at me as I lay there naked.
Was it wrong? Was it more wrong to never once mention it to my mother? I’ve always felt that if Jesus was supposed to love me, why couldn’t he be in love with me? I knew I was in love with him. It’s kind of hard for a girl not to fall for the savior of the world. He was all I thought about, day and night. It was all my mother would talk about. I still get wet if I think about him too much.
I suppose it was no surprise when my first real boyfriend turned out to be a guy from college that had his hair pulled back in a pony tail and short beard. He probably took me yelling out “Jesus, fuck me!!!” as a compliment to his skills. He would be wrong.
Church became my night club. I would go searching for anyone close to Jesus in hopes that I could be closer too. I just needed it so bad. I got kicked out of three different churches in the span of a year. They didn’t share my view on love. The preachers were so passionate about Him, that I didn’t know what else to do. I went down on the guy. I knew the love he was feeling and I knew he would never get it reciprocated. It was the least I could do.
He wasn’t as gentle as I had expected him to be though. For a man of the cloth, he had tendency toward the rougher side of things. He told me I was doing God’s work, so I let him be as rough as he wanted it. He was the first man to fuck my face. He held me down and shoved his prick in until I was gagging and in tears. He didn’t even take of his Sunday suit. This was the closest to heaven I had ever been. Any closer and if would have been Jesus’ dick in my mouth.
I was moaning a little too loudly when his fucking wife opened the door. If the bitch had just waited another two minutes I would have cum. Oh and it would have been a good one. But no, she just started crying and yelling at us that we would burn in hell. She obviously had no idea of the love we shared. Fuck her and fuck him too. He didn’t even try to defend me. They sent me back out into the harsh world alone. Still searching for Him.
None of the churches I found really understood me. It was the lowest point of my life. I was nearly thirty and branded the whore of Babylon to the only people I thought would get it. I was alone and scared that I would never find love. Then I moved on. Easy as that. I read the bible and received everything I needed. The kingdom of God was in me. Those words were so powerful I had to touch myself. He was in me. It sounded so dirty but oh so right.
I isolated myself for a while. The good book was enough to quench the fire that had been raging inside of me. To hell with everyone else, I never really wanted to share my Lord with anyone anyways. And one day it happened. I finally saw him.
I was in the market, buying some fish and bread and anything else that crossed my mind and I saw him. Standing in the middle of the aisle staring at me. He smiled when he saw how far my jaw had dropped.
“Jesus?” I asked.
“Yeah… of course… my child.” He spoke as if I were the first one to ever see him. Like I discovered a secret that had been pinned to my nose my entire life. I ran to him and hugged him. “Woah, girly.” He laughed.
I hugged tighter, trying to breathe him in. His smell was a brilliant mix of sweat and passion. His body radiated heat and at that moment I could have died in his arms and felt at peace.
“I’ve been waiting for you for so long.”
“I’ve been around. Are you feeling okay?” He put his hand on my head and looked into my eyes. Oh my, his eyes made my knees buckle and he had to put his arm around me to keep me from falling.
“I’m fine, I’m just so happy. You don’t know how long I’ve fantasized about this. I’ve wanted you for so long and now you’re here. I’m not even sure what to do… how can I not be prepared? Oh… do you hate me? I must seem such a mess! Please don’t leave me again! I’ll do anything to keep you around!
“Calm down, calm down, calm down.” He looked frantically about the aisle, not wanting to draw attention to us. I suppose that made sense, he had been keep a low profile until I came around. “You’re fine, trust me.” He gave a sly, knowing smile that I had seen in so many men before. “Now, what do you mean by anything?” He slid his hand to my waste.
My cheeks were wet… so were other things… but I was smiling. I traced my finger down his chest all the way to his belt and move my lips to his ear. “Anything for you, Lord.”
He smiled down on me. “What about some money, baby? I mean, child?”
I frantically grabbed the money from my purse, it was about seventy dollars or so.
He laughed as I thrust it upon him. “Most people only give me 10%, I’d have to say this is a good start.” He put the money in his pockets and rubbed my head. “Come on, I think I should keep you around.” I hugged him as we walked out of the store.
Jesus drove a van. He told me he didn’t want anything too flashy, it was supposed to be him that caught everyone’s attention after all. I never let go of his arm as we drove. I was too afraid he would turn to smoke and fade away, leaving me alone and longing again. “You know, I’ve loved you since I was a baby.”
“Of course, who hasn’t?” He laughed. He was always laughing. His teeth were perfect. “Time to test that love, babe.” He grabbed my arm and moved it to his crotch. “Start stroking… my child.”
I started shaking like my mother when she said the holy ghost was filling her. My orgasm shook me and I thought I might pass out. He was still laughing. “Damn baby. I meant for you to make me cum but that was still hawt.” He pulled his dick out through his fly and I greedily grabbed it. It took me a minute to realize he found his way to my fly and as soon as his holy hands touched my lips, I came again. I was exhausted but nothing could make me quit.
I was able to make him cum twice before we pulled into the parking lot of a liquor store. He pulled up his pants and I took a look around. I had no idea where we were. I had lost all concept of time and direction as we drove. “What are we doing here, my Lord?”
“Ya know, I thought I’d get tired of hearing you say ‘my lord’ but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t have a certain ring to it. Say it again, will ya?”
I giggled. “My Lord! My Lord! My Lord!”
“Good girl. Well I’ve got one more test of love… well one more test today.”
“Anything for you, my Lord.”
“I’m going to need some more money.”
I furrowed my brow, “but Lord, I gave you all I had. I can give you more when I get paid or maybe I can get a loan from…” I was breathing hard. I had never hyperventilated before but I was certain that was what I was doing. He put his hand on my knee and I fell silent.
“No babe, I got enough of your money, for now, but these people.” He pointed toward the liquor store, Caesar’s Discount Package. “They haven’t tithed in a very long time. I need to get me all their money.” I nodded and fumbled for the car handle. I was ready for him. He laughed his perfect laugh and shone his perfect teeth and I felt like I was melting. “Oh and babe…”
I turned back toward the van, he was leaning out the window. “Yes, Lord?”
“Pick me up a six pack while you’re in there.”
The store screamed, “UNBELIEVERS!” Idols of Mary stood where Jesus should. All that bitch did was reap benefits from her son’s glorious work She didn’t even step up hen they put her son on the cross. What kind of mother does that? Heartless cunt.
I grabbed a six pack of Trinity Lager. Seemed legit.
A heavy set man stood behind the counter. His polo shirt was old and tattered. It should have been used as a rag… or bedding for a rodent. I smiled at him though and put the beer on the counter. He looked at it and then me. “6.69”
I smiled politely. Trying to imitate Jesus’ perfect smile though my teeth were too crooked to do it any kind of justice. “No, no, no… this isn’t for me. It’s for our savior. Jesus.” The man didn’t blink or nod or do anything to register my words. I figured he was in shock that got to server his heavenly king. “He’s also going to need you to donate all the money from your register.”
The fat man grunted something in Spanish. “Get outta here, ya little fucking bitch! Don’t come back with your goddamn Jesus babble bullshit!” He snatched the beer from me and the smile faded from my face quicker than it took God to vanquish the filth of Sodom and Gomorrah. I don’t know if it was the man’s blasphemous words or that he was stealing from my Lord but I dove across the counter screaming at the top of my lungs and scratching at the man’s face. He didn’t have a chance to defend himself and went flying backwards into a shelf of liquor.
The entire wall fell on him, he grunted once and went still. I banged on the register until it popped open with a bing. I shoved the money in my pocket and looked down at the pig who had insulted my love, my god. I spat on him and I kicked him hard in the ribs. I heard a crack and he groaned. It wasn’t enough. I kicked him again, harder. More liquor fell on him.
As the liquor poured from around him, I noticed the glint from that cunt Mary’s candle. That would be enough, oh and the irony would be delightful. I pushed myself onto the counter and swung around making sure to kick the candle as I did. I started to smile again, but it turned into a gasp. The fire had started quicker than I had imagined but his screams were better than I could have ever dreamed. Such a fitting end to a lord hater. Now he would fry in what was left of his pathetic life and then continue it in his death. Fucker.
I sauntered outside, smoke billowing out from around me as I opened the door. I must have looked like an angel because when Jesus saw me, his mouth dropped. I slowly pulled the cash from my pocket, swaying my hips harder than the whore of Babylon. I waved the cash toward Jesus, holding it like a Chinese fan. He started the van and floored it yelling as he left. “You crazy bitch! What did you do?! I was never fucking her you fucking psycho! You hear me?! I wasn’t fucking here!”
It was my turn for my mouth to drop as he sped off, disappearing like the smoke I thought he was. I was crying. How could he leave me? He was my only love… I was nothing without him and I was already proving that I’d do anything for him. I was crying so hard that it blurred my vision. I didn’t even notice the flashing lights or sirens until someone pushed me to the ground pulling my arms behind my back.
“You have the right to remain silent.”
Two officers pulled me up, still speaking and walked me toward a car. Fireman raced in the other direction.
That’s when I saw him. Jesus in the back of a second car. “Oh my, thank you! You brought him back!” I bounced in my step, beaming. I was still crying but I was thrilled. He came back to me.
“Who are you talking about, lady?”
“Jesus, you brought him back to me!”
The officer laughed nervously as he put me in the back of the car. “He does look a little like the son of God, doesn’t he?”
That’s because he is.” I laid back on the seat.
The officer looked at me softly, a hint of sadness in his eyes. “What’s your name, lady?”
I closed my eyes and smiled. “Mary, Mary Magdalene.”
He shook his head and closed the door but I kept smiling. We’d be together soon, once again. The way it should have been and this time not even his father could take him from me.